Tuesday, April 12, 2016

2 Years Without You

Every day as life goes by I think of you. I thought of you on my Wedding Day, I thought of you on my birthday, I thought of you on Christmas, I thought of you on your birthday, I thought of you on that random rainy Monday in July. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. When I wake up I still look at the weather on my phone and wish I could just call you instead and bug you to ask you what the weather will be like. When I am on my way home from work and no one will talk to me I want to call you and talk to you about meaningless things that we end up laughing so hard about. But you weren't there on my wedding day, my birthday, Christmas, your birthday, or that rainy Monday. I can't call you to ask what the weather is like or when I am bored. 2 years ago we turned the machines off and we had to say goodbye to your loving and caring personality, we had to say goodbye to your always tanned skin even if it was January, we had to say goodbye to your tiny but powerful body, I had to say goodbye to my best friend, my mom. 

Last year I felt like I was in a better place than I am this year. Last year was the first year without my mom..we had so many firsts without her I thought for sure that was going to be the hardest year. But now as another year has gone by it seems to be getting harder for me. I knew what Christmas was going to be like without her, yet I cried more in my shower getting ready than I remember crying the first year. Maybe it is because I know how the new normal goes for our family now.

Today shouldn't be a sad day, but a celebration of your life. You were an amazing mom and you were my number one support system. I know you are watching over me and probably shaking your head at times but I know you are proud of who I have become. I love you mom.

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